Austin Bernhardt
Austin Bernhardt
Recent Stories
July 15, consider your diem carped!
I’ve increasingly adopted a mindset in which I regret not being able to use clichéd expressions and gestures gleaned from T.V. and movies in my everyday life without seeming obnoxious, dismissive or just plain weird.
An Hairing of Grievances
Friends, Romans, countrymen: I’m a pretty hairy guy. I know that. Do you think you need to come up with euphemisms in order to make that observation in a sensitive and considerate manner? Because you don’t — really! I have hair on my arms; I have hair on my legs; I have hair under my armpits and on my chest and stomach and even one little stray bastard that keeps popping up just above my sternum. More importantly, I usually have a pretty thick covering of the stuff on my cheeks, chin, neck and upper lip area.
A tale of two
I live in an old apartment building on the corner of Elm and Howe called the Elmhurst. This means several things.
Hate The Player, Play My Game
You might think that there are a limited number of legitimate reasons to hate someone.
Routine Maintenance
Personal Essay
You might have seen my mother’s convertible — a cobalt blue, mid-90s BMW — gliding past on one of the picturesque roads of Long Island’s Gold Coast.
GRAAAAHHH!!!!
Oh, hey! Good to see you. Hope your Thanksgiving break was good. You go home? See the fam? Cool; cool. Yeah, I didn’t.
BERNHARDT: Boring white men pay for your lattes
Unless you have a Google alert for “circular, symbolically valuable pieces of metal,” you probably didn’t know that the likeness of Rutherford B. Hayes, 19th president of the United States, is now available in coin form.
Bildungsroman, ruined
The thing about being free of junior-year commitments is that I now have time which I can spend doing nothing. Sort of.
Footlights go wild on their U.S. tour, hit the Have the ’Have running
Damn the Brits. Or, to be more specific, damn the Cambridge Footlights, a sketchy comedy group from across the pond who, in case you missed it (WTF?!), knocked everyone’s socks off at the Off Broadway Theater Tuesday night with their 2010 international tour show, “Good For You.”
This is what’s going on
There is too much old in New Haven. Inefficiency and obscurity have dethroned care and transparency. The marginalized have suffered from our complacency. We lament the “Yale bubble,” when for many of our fellow Elis, such vocabulary diverges more and more each day from reality far more dire. These times call for a new language. It is time to entomb the “I” and resurrect the “we,” to cast off old animosities and make possible real, actual, structural change, to take up the urgency (and agency) of a previous age so that our cause does not recede with this recession. And without the presence of chaos-inducing crises, the job of student activists to get people excited about the issues may now be harder than ever.