Claire Gordon
Claire Gordon
Recent Stories
Gordon: Telling time
LONDON — Humans have a tendency to carve up time into manageable segments: weeks, months, semesters, days, nights, years. Of course, this is an illusion. Time is actually a series of moments that stretch out infinitely and terrifyingly into forever. This was my epiphany as the sun began to rise outside my window, a left-wing conspiracy theory documentary blasting from my pelvis-propped laptop (my fifth that day). I was catatonic, except for feeding myself chunks of salmon roe rice ball (my eighth that day), from the 7-11 in Nakemeguro, Tokyo.
The end is high
Yalies are a species. Phenotypically scruffier than our Harvard peers, we transcend their bourgeois, AA Platinum aspirations. Yale alums prefer cultural capital to capital, shirking the corporate ladder for artistically inclined, socially conscious, poorly paid employ. We also dress weirdly and travel in packs.
3-D Avatars of Ultimate Intimacy
MACRO SHOT — The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle undulations.
ChatRoulette goes collegiate on RandomDorm.com
Do you want to connect with bored strangers, but fear the wayward genitalia of ChatRoulette? Well, college students now have their own filtered realm of stranger play with The principle remains the same — interface with a randomer and click “next” if you’re bored, disgusted or afraid — but logging in on RandomDorm requires a .edu e-mail address. Because potential chat partners are all currently enrolled in an institution of higher learning, the chances of glimpsing a Norwegian man’s member are statistically reduced.
Digital damage control
So it’s the day after a random hook-up with a new someone, and you want to make contact. Your goal: express interest while keeping your self-esteem protected from the sting of rebuff. Your hope: a date maybe, a repeat hook-up or the establishment of tap-able back-burner ass.
Gordon: Better than birth control
Two hours before the appointment I gulped down three tablespoons of liquid codeine. Ultimately, I still cared about the pain. An intrauterine device insertion is mildly painful for approximately five seconds and extremely painful for a lucky 5 percent. With my feet in stirrups and the speculum in place, I screamed mightily, one hand bashing the wall and the other crushing a midwife’s fingers. It felt sort of like giving birth. Except instead of producing life, I was eliminating my ability to produce life for five to seven years.
Rape fantasy alert
In a 2009 study of University of North Texas undergraduates, 62 percent of women admitted to having rape-like fantasies. According to some sexperts, it’s the most common female fantasy of all.
Gordon: Intensely naked
I saw my first naked man with my dad. It was 1992, and we were on a father-daughter excursion to the Tate Modern. In the section “Nude/Action/Body,” we stumbled upon a triple life-size projection of a naked, slender middle-aged man jumping on a trampoline in slow motion.
Point/Point: Crunches versus glasses
Gordon: Times have changed. The ideal manly man gentleman is no longer a rugged prep-schooler with a spotty transcript. My perfect Yale man, for example, is sensitive, endearingly neurotic, intellectually over-stimulated, specialized and beetle-browed (possibly, but not necessarily, a Jew). Bartz: This article is not about my unhealthy fascination with Arnold Schwarzenegger; rather, it is about the importance I place on dedication and personal growth. Though I long ago gave up on my dream of having biceps on my face, I would at least like to stuff my metaphorical condom with metaphorical walnuts. That sounded dirty.
Sexy vs. Skinny
Going to the gym wasn’t a New Year’s resolution. It was a Jan. 3 resolution. The first few days of January are the grim vortex of winter break. I’d already spent over a week as a blob, but school was too far away to inspire productivity. The outdoor nippiness was no longer the subject of festive carols, but rather bitter whimpering. Eggnog was once again a socially unacceptable beverage.